Guilt of Fallen Idol
by DetOliviaBenson
Summary: THis takes place after Hawkeye works on Radar after his crash in Fallen Idol, Hawkeye is feeling so guilty and having a guilt trip with nightmares and everything


Discloser: I do not own or have any ownership to MASH that belongs to another.

Takes place during the episode of Fallen Idol

Hawkeye didn't know what to think as he watched Radar on the table in front of him, he felt his heart drop directly on the floor, his stomach along with it. As soon as he was done in surgery on Radar and the others he went and threw up everything he had in his stomach he couldn't stand the thought of Radar lying on that table in front of him, BJ ended up seeing him and went over to comfort him, he held a hand on Hawk's back just like, Hawk had done for him on his very first day. BJ stayed with Hawkeye till he was done. They went directly back to the swamp and Hawkeye went directly to the still and pulled out two glasses filled them both offered one to BJ and downed the other one himself in one gulp, then he had another and another and another. BJ finally by his 5th drink decided to cut Hawkeye off, Hawkeye was then ranting and raving while pacing the tent. Hawkeye kept saying " Why did I send him out there, Why didn't he just listen to you Beej, Why, If he isn't ok I don't know what I'm going to do,", "Hawk you did patch him up you should know that he would be ok if you did it yourself," "Beej do you know how pale he was and how sick it makes me thinking about him lying on that table bleeding", Hawkeye then had the sudden urge to throw up yet again and raced out to the back of the tent to the trash can and throw up all that he had in his body, it just made him sick thinking about Radar bleeding not just another wounded soldier that he didn't know it was Radar, the clerk that has been there no matter what. After Hawkeye was done empting his stomach yet again he then went to his cot and tried to fall asleep, finally he was asleep after hours and hours of staying awake he was asleep, All of a sudden at 2:30 in the morning everyone was asleep all of a sudden there was this loud scream yelling Radar Radar, no Radar, Nooooooooo, it was so loud that the coronal could hear, BJ woke up immediately and ran to Hawkeyes bunk, Shook Hawkeye to wake him up, no response then he shook him harder, Hawkeye woke up like a bullet, his heart was racing and he was sweaty and had the sudden urge to throw up again, he ran outside and emptied the little contents in his stomach, when he was done he went back to his cot to sit down, BJ asked " Whats the matter Hawk must have been a hell of a nightmare you were screaming Radars name", Hawkeye's nightmare was the Radar was brought in on the stretcher and bleeding all over and Hawkeye couldn't find out where from, then Radar didn't have a pulse then Hawkeye had to do CPR to him and Radar wouldn't come back, Hawkeye kept on saying, " Don't let him win Radar, you can't leave me don't leave me Radar, Radar noooooooooooooo, then Hawkeye had to call Radar's time of death. Hawkeye was then wokein thank God to BJ, he was feeling so sick to his stomach, BJ didn't know what to do, Hawkeye would not go to sleep or eat or drink which was so odd for Hawkeye to do. Radar was asleep for 3 days Hawkeye when not on duty or in surgery was at Radars side. He finally fainted from lack of sleep and food. He passed out right by Radars side on a stool, but then he woke up screaming again, Everytime he closed his eyes he saw Radar bleeding on the table. Hawkeye checked Radar's chart and was happy at what he saw but looked like he would keel over in a minute, BJ talked to Potter about Hawkeye and they removed him from the duty roster, they decided that Hawkeye was bad and need to be sedated to get any sleep and be any help, BJ then went over to Hawkeye and then he gave Hawkeye a glass of coffee with sedation drugs in it and Hawkeye downed the coffee and then he never even realized what was happening because he went for a walk and he meet the floor of the compound, BJ scooped up Hawkeye and then layed him with an IV in his arm, in his cot, After Hawkeye had 48 hours of sleep he then went to the still and drained it of all its contents the next day Radar ended up waking up and asked what happened and where Hawkeye was at, BJ then told him that Hawkeye was a mess, and that it would do him some good to see him up and about, That day Hawkeye had to wake up early to wounded and was still hung over after getting 2 hoours of sleep.

Authors note: The rest is in the episode so watch it to see what happens next. Please let me know how it was and if I should keeping writing MASH fanfic or give up, yes this is my first one ever so let me know what you thought about it.


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